Addict's First Anniversary

The child crawls
Onto my lap

Not yet one year old
The withered face
Of an ancient curse

Black candles on the cake

This nightmare that leads
Into temptation

Mocking the attempt
At liberty

A grain of wheat
Must fall into the dark
Earth and die before bearing
Fruit

And I have fallen
Fell muddied
Messing up the life
That is in me and them

Memory pierces me
Freezing frost of guilt

Threatening the fruit
That blossomed

The joy

In the approach
Of year's end my stride
Stumbling

Faltered fear of failure

Like a bereavement
That will not go away

Nor awaken

But I am awake
And faltering is not
Failure or even fallen