"...his place will never be with those cold and timid souls who have never known neither victory nor defeat." (Teddy Roosevelt)
TOUCHING THE VOID (2004)
I’m borrowing 'Touching The Void', the title of the book by Joe Simpson. Because I
feel I've touched the void in some way these past months. Derry calls it
convergence while I call it providence - the way I came by this book. I got so
fed up of being in bed sick and depressed that I went to our College Library,
which is directly across from my room. I went there looking for something to
lift, or at least distract me. There’s a collection of old Reader’s Digest
condensed books and as soon as I saw the title - Touching The Void - it spoke
to me and I took it.
The book was written in 1988 and tells the extraordinary story of a mountain
expedition embarked on in South America by Joe and his colleague Simon
Yates. It’s well worth reading.
The day after I found the book I turned on
Lyric FM radio to hear them advertising an arts programme that was to
include an item on Touching The Void - sixteen years after its publication! I
was pleasantly amazed and, in my usual fashion, saw some message for me
from God in all of this. Adding to my delight was the news that there is a new
film out about the book. Some aspects found resonance within me and reflect
something about my own life experience.
Having reached the summit and on the descent, Joe broke his leg. He was leading the way and both climbers were linked together with a rope, Joe's weight dragging Simon, both sliding slowly towards a ledge, edging bit by bit to certain death. Joe went over the ledge and dangled there, all the while dragging his companion nearer to the edge.
Simon knew they would both die if he didn't cut the rope. If he cut the rope Joe would fall to his death but he himself would survive. He cut the rope, something climbers are not supposed to do.
Joe fell150 feet off the mountain and fell further into an 80-foot
crevasse, crash landing on a ledge, from which there seemed to be no escape. Its walls were sheer ice.
There was no way up. He might then just have lay down and died but didn’t.
Incredibly he decided to lower himself further down into the dark hole that was
beneath him. And down there he found a shaft of light to his side, showing
him a way out through which he could crawl, eventually making it back to camp, close to death, just as Simon was packing up to leave.
Spiritually and emotionally I am sometimes required to go deeper into
unknown darkness, a darkness called depression, in order to find light and freedom. And often I stagnate
because I fear going down into that hole.
A surprising thing for me is that Joe, brought up a Catholic, never turned to
God, never said a Hail Mary through the entire ordeal. He became an atheist.
But maybe, like the dark night of the mystics, he touched God in an
unknowing and unspeakable way, in a way that makes God seem absent or
not to exist at all. It’s a possibility, though I’m not trying to take away from
his choice to be an atheist. Nor would I try to solve his atheism for him. This level of life is intensely personal. Only God himself can deal with us at that
depth.
Anyone who has read the book or seen the film knows that Simon had to
make a terrible choice on the mountain, the decision to cut the rope. Had he
not taken this decision both he and Joe would have fallen off the mountain
and probably would have died. By cutting the rope he at least would save his
own life. And by some miracle it was the cutting of the rope that ensured both
would live.
Guilt and shame plague Simon. Joe has long forgiven him, even dedicated the
book to him, but Simon cannot forgive himself. That’s one of the hardest
things for a certain kind of person to do. I’m one of them. I am willing and
usually able by the grace of God, to forgive anyone but I struggle to forgive
myself. This is part of the darkness that is within me. I am blessed to be able
to face the darkness, not always without fear but usually with the knowledge
that He there, as He was in the thick darkness into which Moses entered on
Mount Sinai.
THE SUPREME ADVANTAGE OF FALLING
And in its dizzy delight
THE SUPREME ADVANTAGE OF FALLING
God caught my eye
And my heart from the start
Bounding like a gazelle
Up and upward further
I could do nothing
But follow so strong
The enticement
I reached the summit
Of all height
Earlier than I dared
Dream
And in its dizzy delight
Lost my footing
Falling tumbling down
Crashing into my own
Emptiness
Every bit of me breaking
And I cried for the loss
I wailed at the darkness
And in my despair I longed
For death and it would
Not have me
And I lay there halfway
With nothing but the faintest
Flicker
No way up
No way but to fall
Again further broken
Into that deepest
Silence
Until silence
Became a Word
Beckoning
While I was thinking upward
Is the only way
I saw Jesus leaping
From the height
Down deeper down
To the very pit of blackness
And there
To my astonished eyes
The light shone to show
The exit into hope
And crawling to it
No longer able
To leap
I understood
The supreme advantage
Of falling
Into darkness
And out of darkness
Into Christ
