I Am Said I (Huruma)

"...his place will never be with those cold and timid souls who have never known neither victory nor defeat." (Teddy Roosevelt) TOUCHING THE VOID (2004) I’m borrowing 'Touching The Void', the title of the book by Joe Simpson. Because I feel I've touched the void in some way these past months. Derry calls it convergence while I call it providence - the way I came by this book. I got so fed up of being in bed sick and depressed that I went to our College Library, which is directly across from my room. I went there looking for something to lift, or at least distract me. There’s a collection of old Reader’s Digest condensed books and as soon as I saw the title - Touching The Void - it spoke to me and I took it. The book was written in 1988 and tells the extraordinary story of a mountain expedition embarked on in South America by Joe and his colleague Simon Yates. It’s well worth reading.  The day after I found the book I turned on Lyric FM radio to hear...

Maybe when I am old I will put away the straight jacket And put on a red shoe And a green one With odd socks And a bright yellow top Over my fat belly Not caring and being pleased With this humanity Gift in whom God Takes great delight I will lay bare the heart The divine word written There And being loved And giving in to it All of the time I will live the threefold Love Of God and you and me Let there be no maybe about it And let no addict in me Put off life until tomorrow Today may not be ripe For gaudy dressing and other Forms of mad freedom But this is the day And now is the time Of grace

I do not hesitate To bend To the tying of my shoes Each morning I rise To thoughtless Simple gestures Bending To the lowly places Of my life To find my God Who has bent before To meet me there.

The child crawls Onto my lap Not yet one year old The withered face Of an ancient curse Black candles on the cake This nightmare that leads Into temptation Mocking the attempt At liberty A grain of wheat Must fall into the dark Earth and die before bearing Fruit And I have fallen Fell muddied Messing up the life That is in me and them Memory pierces me Freezing frost of guilt Threatening the fruit That blossomed The joy In the approach Of year's end my stride Stumbling Faltered fear of failure Like a bereavement That will not go away Nor awaken But I am awake And faltering is not Failure or even fallen

House of Bread House of God House of Jesus House of Mary House of Joseph House of Bread Bread of life Bread of love Bread of faith Bread of hope Bread of consolation Bread of peace Bread of joy Bread of patience Bread of kindness Bread of goodness Bread of gentleness Bread of mercy Bread of justice Bread for the poor Bread for the hungry Bread for the sinner Bread for the addict Bread for the homeless Bread for the exile Bread for the lonely Bread for the child Bread for the man Bread for the woman Bread for the old Bread for the weak Bread of speech Bread of song Bread of music Bread of all creation. Generously given Glory to God And peace on earth. Amen.

He leaned upon The ancient Olive tree Its thousand years Of waiting at an end The Hour had come For Him to fall prostrated In a pool of perspired blood The Father’s flood of silence This alone the witness The Olive tree and me. A couple of thousand Years again I prayed Beneath the shade Of that same tree And there I learned That it’s not for us To know the joy of Rising yet Not even death’s respite It’s ours to hold The cup that does not pass The chalice that holds us In His sacrifice Until the Hour has come For its consumption

Most Lovely Innocent God Beautiful Child Jesus Christ I hold your tender Body In my caring hands And you offer no resistance Orphaned as you are now And looking for a father in me But I have abused you My early love distorted Show your Justice And your Mercy too For I have been abused. Most Holy Gracious God Beautiful Lord Jesus Christ I hold your bloody Body In my guilty hands And you offer no resistance Wounded as you are now And looking for a mother in me But I have betrayed you My early love deserted Show your Justice And your Mercy too For I have been betrayed. Most Loving Generous God Beautiful Bread Jesus Christ I hold your sacred Body In my hungry hands And you offer no resistance Given as you are to self-giving.